So the vacation that I'm on right now was going good, until tonight. Not that tonight was bad, it just brought back lots of memories that I don't really want here, lots of feelings that I could do without.
I saw Ernie. He came up to me, hugged me, and yeah. It's funny, when you don't see someone for almost a year, you almost forget about them. But when I heard him say "Holy shit! How you been?" My heart fluttered like a little fricken kid. Feelings came rushing back, memories of how good of friends we used to be. I have a deep feeling inside of me, and have for the last six years that I've been in love with this kid, that I'm supposed to be with him, that he's the one I'm supposed to be with...that he's my soul mate.
I found out he's still with Melissa, and has been for 14 months.
It kills me to know that I'm never going to get my chance with him, ever.
Here's a snippet of our convo:
"Why are you blushing Mel?"
"...I dont know..." *look at him saying 'what do you think'*
"I can still read you like a book."
*smile*
"I bet you can still read me."
"I try not to read anymore Ernie."
"Why? Reading is good."

Yeah..
Theres nothing I want more then for my chance to be with him. But I'll never be good enough.

I hate that I love him. I hate that he has my heart.
When I see Derek my heart doesn't flutter, feelings don't come rushing back, and I was with him for 17 months and engaged to him.
...Maybe that gives you a glimpse of how much this kid means to me.

On the plus side, he said that I was looking good and that I've been losing weight...(which I have).

Yet, I'll still never be good enough for him.
Hah. Thinking about this for some odd reason, he signed one of my yearbooks: Ernie, the one you'll always love.
I guess.